Elvis Returns!
by Renee the Rabid Squirrel
Summary: *In the process of being edited, still complete though* Bulma gets tired of Yamucha, so for fun, decides to play a trick on Vegeta. Yamucha gets jealous, and things go horribly wrong...
1. Vegeta Makes a Big Mistake

Notes: This story takes place after Mirari Trunks has warned Goku of the   
dangers that lie in the future, during those famous and debatable three years we all know and  
love. Let me know what you guys think!  
  
WARNING: Insane Yamucha bashing. If you happen to hate stories where people make fun of  
him, perhaps this is not the story for you.  
  
*represents private thoughts*  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
  
  
"Yamucha, I've decided two things. First of all, I'm hungry. And second of all, I'm dumping you."   
  
"But Bulma..I haven't done anything!"   
  
"It's not what you've done, it's what you haven't done. I'd rather watch Roshi train than   
have sex with you, that's how friggin' boring it is. So goodbye. I want to have fun, and I sure as  
hell ain't getting it being with you."  
  
The front door of Capsule Corporation slammed right in Yamucha's face, leaving him stunned  
and annoyed.   
  
*Boring? Boring? How can she dump me for being boring? I'll show   
her boring.* thought the perturbed Yamucha to himself.  
  
*Yes! I finally got rid of that stupid jerk! Now, to find my fun....what am I going to do, anyway?  
It's not like I want to just go ask a guy for sex...someone I don't know...that's just stupid. What  
will I do? Oh yeah, I was going to go get something to eat.* Bulma walked into the kitchen to  
find the arrogant-son-of-a-bitch-who-calls-himself-the-prince-of-saiyans-but-who's-real-name-  
was-Vegeta-as-is-she-even-cared raiding her fridge.   
  
"Vegeta! What the hell do you think you're doing??"  
  
"As you stand there, screaming, I am here, eating the entire contents of your fridge, except for  
the yogurt. That's disgusting. Is there a problem with this?"  
  
*I am going to smash his head in, then cut his body into tiny little pieces, then cut those tiny  
pieces into even tinier itty bitty pieces...wait. I have a better idea. Revenge is a much better plan.  
Now HERE'S some fun I can really get into.*  
  
In a calm yet sarcastic voice Bulma replied, "Well, I was hoping I might be able to eat  
something for lunch besides yogurt, but I guess that's impossible now, isn't it?"  
  
Vegeta glanced at what was left in the fridge.   
  
"Well, you could always eat that lightbulb." The arrogant man turned and headed off towards  
the gravity room.   
  
"Grrrrrr.....Vegeta!!!!" A slightly insane laugh echoed from across the way.   
  
*Soon, Vegeta, you will be so hammered that I will....hey....a drunken   
Vegeta....Bulma, you are a genius!*  
  
Outside Capsule Corp, Yamucha had been watching the entire 'conversation' between Bulma and  
Vegeta.  
  
*So that's what she thinks is fun? Vegeta? I bet she just dumped me for that asshole... he will  
pay. Let's see....I have some clear liquor at home....I'll put some in his drink when he's not  
looking! It's tasteless, so I'm free....I just have to wait until Bulma leaves the house sometime  
later. I better go home and draw up some plans.* With that thought in mind, Yamucha flew off  
towards his cheap, rented home.  
  
"Mom! I'm gonna go grocery shopping, okay?"  
  
"But Bulma, I just went last night. Why do you need to go out?"  
  
"Well VEGETA ate all the food in the fridge....he left me the yogurt."   
  
"Again? He sure has an appetite. I'm not surprised. With all that training he does, he's bound to  
eat a lot...he sure has a lot of muscles...kinda cute eh, Bulma?"   
  
"WHAT? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? HE'S AN ARROGANT FREAK, THAT'S IT! I'D  
NEVER BE SEEN ANYWHERE WITH HIM, MUCH LESS ADMIT TO LIKING HIM!"   
  
"Well, that's alright." said Mrs. Briefs, completely unfazed by Bulma's screaming.   
  
"I'm going  
now...it could take me a little while to get everything."   
  
"Okay, bye dear!"  
  
"Bye Mom!" *Now I need to get the materials for my plan. Revenge is ever sweet, and Vegeta  
will know this once I'm done.*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So, what do you all think so far? I know it's short, this is one of my earlier stories that I got  
around to editing. Reviews are fantastic, and I also have an account at fanfiction.net under the  
same name if you wish to see some of my other works. Bye! 


	2. The Plot thickens

Notes: Here's chapter 2, I don't own Dragonballz, let me know what you think of this.  
  
*represents thoughts*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Bulma breathed a sigh of relief as she placed the last grocery bag into her convertible.  
  
*Thank Kame that's the last one. Vegeta better not eat all of this...of course,  
once I'm done with my plan, he won't want to eat again. Now to go to the liquor store.* Bulma  
sped off towards the nearest liquor store, parked the car, then went inside.   
  
"Krillin? What are you doing here?"   
  
"I'm working, what does it look like? Everyone needs something to make ends meet, so this is  
my job. Plus, I get a 50% discount on everything in the store."   
  
"Well then, if you're working here, you can help me. I need a tasteless, odourless, clear liquid  
that will reduce anyone to a drunken idiot. Do you have anything like that?" Krillin paused for a  
moment.   
  
"Well, since I know you....there's a part in the back that I'm only supposed to let people with a  
certain card access...there's some of that stuff in there. I'll get it."  
  
Bulma waited as Krillin browsed through the 'secret room', all the while tapping her foot in  
impatience.   
  
"Here. It's called 'Naomi's Make E'm Drunk in a Second Clear Mix'."   
  
"Is it carbonated? If it is, it won't work."   
  
"Nope, it's not carbonated. Hey Bulma..."   
  
"Yeah? Give my condolences for whoever's life you're planning to screw up."  
  
"I really don't think HE'LL care, but fine." With that, Bulma left the puzzled Krillin behind in the  
liquor store and drove home.  
  
Meanwhile, at a cheap rented home 4 blocks away from Capsule Corp, Yamucha planned his  
own revenge on Vegeta. *Hahahahaha!! With this stuff, he'll be so drunk he'll pass out!! What  
does this say? Never mix with Naomi's Make E'm Drunk in a Second Clear Mix? Ah, screw  
this. It's not like Vegeta would drink that. Now, if I can only... get... this... stupid... bottle...  
open...*   
  
Yamucha struggled for about an hour straight trying to get the bottle of Vodka open as Bulma  
still drove home.   
  
"HHHYYYYYYERRRRGGGGHHHH........UUUUUNNNNYYYYAAAAH..."  
  
"Yamucha, are you trying to do those sit-ups again?"   
  
"Shut up, Puar! I'm trying to open....this....friggin...." ^POP!^ The cork flew up into the air, then  
fell down and knocked Puar unconscious. "Hey, this stuff really DOES work! Mwuhahahaha!  
Vegeta will never know what hit him!"  
  
Bulma parked the car at Capsule Corp after the long drive. *Let's see...Vegeta usually gets out of  
the gravity chamber at around 4 for a snack and a huge amount of water....which leaves me 45  
minutes to get things ready. Oh how I love revenge!* Bulma laughed silently to herself while  
she went into the kitchen to get Vegeta's glass of water ready.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Increasing gravity to 400 times of Earth." Vegeta winced as the gravity kicked in. He  
proceeded to do 100 push-ups, then fired up a rather large ki blast and shot it around the room.   
When it came back to him, he blocked it with ease, all the while keeping himself off the ground.   
He continued his regime of training and stretching until 4 o'clock, when at that time he turned  
off the gravity machine and headed towards the kitchen.   
  
*Now, to raid the fridge...I see that cursed woman actually went shopping for more food so I  
could eat it. How thoughtful. Wait a minute...is that a glass of water there?* Without thinking,  
Vegeta drank half the glass while Bulma watched around the doorway, snickering silently.   
  
"Vegeta!"  
  
*Shit, what is my mom calling him for?* thought Bulma.   
  
"What the hell do you want?"   
  
"I made some cakes for you, would you like to try some?"   
  
Vegeta promptly went in search of the cakes.   
  
*Hmm...I don't think I put enough of that mix in his water...* Bulma poured a tiny bit more into  
his glass, then went upstairs to plan how she should celebrate her upcoming victory, snickering  
all the while.  
  
^Ring!^ The melodious sound of the doorbell echoed through the household, and ended up  
being answered by none other than the famous Dr. Briefs.  
  
  
"Yamucha? How nice of you to drop by!"  
  
"Hi Dr. Briefs, I left my brush here one night, can I go and get it?"   
  
"Sure thing."   
  
"Thanks Dr. Briefs." Yamucha hadn't seen what Bulma had done, but when he went into the  
kitchen and saw the glass of water there, an idea popped into his rather small brain, a miraculous  
occurrence indeed. *I know! I'll put the stuff in the glass! I'm a genius!*  
  
Yamucha poured the vodka into the glass until it was full, then grabbed a brush that was laying  
around and scurried out the door. He failed to notice the blue smoke that was coming out of the glass.....  
  
What is the mysterious blue smoke? Why can't you mix these liquids? Is Vegeta even  
going to survive this mess? What is Bulma going to do for her victory party? All these answers  
will be revealed...at some point. Reviews are great...keep 'em coming! 


	3. An Appearance by the King of Rock n' Rol...

Chapter 3  
A/N: Thanks to all of those who reviewed...I really appreciate it. Anyways, enjoy the rest of the  
fic!! To those reading this on mediaminer.org...I'm sorry if the chapter is smashed into one  
paragraph, it's not my fault! I tried everything possible!  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Lucerne dairy products or Minigo.or Dragonballz  
  
*represents thoughts*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Goodness, Vegeta...you sure do like cheesecake...would you like to try some of this yogurt  
dessert I whipped up?"   
  
Vegeta's face twisted in sheer disgust at the food Mrs. Briefs had mentioned.   
  
"I guess not...well, take as much as you-" Before she could even finish her sentence, Vegeta had  
eaten everything she had prepared, except for the yogurt/fruit mix. He then went back into the  
kitchen.   
  
*Well, that was a nice light snack. Kame, why do all these humans insist on buying those little  
Minigo containers? Don't they know the Lucerne tubs are much more convenient and have less  
sugar? Even I know this, and I HATE yogurt!! Ah, my glass of water...I thought I drank some of  
it. Oh well.* Vegeta took the glass in his hand, and drank almost the entire thing, then rushed  
off to the washroom.   
  
*Hahahaha! He drank it! He drank it! Serves him right for seducing Bulma!* Yamucha thought  
with glee as he stared through the outside window, then gaped as he saw Bulma pouring the  
glass half full with Naomi's Make E'm Drunk in a Second Clear Mix. "Oops..."said the  
misfortunate earthling to no one in particular. He stared in horror as Bulma turned away and the  
blue smoke continued to rise from the glass.  
  
Bulma snuck behind the doorway as Vegeta entered the kitchen again. *Funny.* the  
arrogant saiyan thought. *I was sure I drank the whole thing... oh well. I'm thirsty, so screw it.*  
Vegeta drank the rest of the liquid, then doubled over in pain.   
  
*Oh shit...it isn't going to kill him, is it?* A very worried Bulma cautiously approached Vegeta. "Er...Vegeta..  
are you....okay?"   
  
All of a sudden Vegeta turned around and yelled: "I'M THE KING!"  
  
"Um...Vegeta? What's..going on?" Vegeta then held his head down and pointed into  
the air in the classic Elvis style.   
  
"I'm the King of rock n' roll, baby!"   
  
*Baby...he called me baby...he must be hammered!* Bulma started to laugh uncontrollably.  
"Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!! Vegeta Presley! Hahahahaha!"   
  
"What are you laughin' for, darlin'?"   
  
"Heeeeeeeheeheeeheeeee!" By this time Bulma was in hysterics, and Yamucha was laughing his  
ass off outside the window.   
  
"I'll show you who's funny." said a very drunken yet determined Vegeta.   
  
"Hahahaha...what the-put me down! Vegeta!"   
  
"Who's this Vegeta fella? Now woman, bow to the King of rock n' roll!!"   
  
"Put me down!" Bulma started shrieking at the top of her lungs...but her parents had already  
gone out, and Vegeta was still much stronger than she was. Yamucha watched in horror as  
Vegeta carried Bulma upstairs. He ran around to the front door, only to be knocked  
unconscious.   
  
"That's for hitting me in the head with a cork!" yelled an angry Puar.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"LET ME GO YOU STUPID SAIYAN!!"   
  
"Just who are these saiyan dudes?" Vegeta carried Bulma into the master bedroom, and it  
became clear what Vegeta, or rather, Elvis, wanted.   
  
*Oh shit. And here I am without any protection. Just great. Oh well, if I get pregnant I can blame  
it all on him. He had better be a good lay.*  
  
  
**************************Because I have rated this story PG13, I can't go into great   
detail about the sex. To sum this part up, Bulma actually found it way better than  
anything she had ever done before in her entire sex life, and Vegeta fell right   
asleep after screwing her.****************************************************  
  
What's going to happen once Vegeta recovers from this horrible drunken  
mess? Will he scream like a girl? Is Yamucha ever going to wake up from being clobbered  
by Puar? What is Bulma going to say to Vegeta? You'll have to wait until the next chapter.  
Reviews...please! They're great. Have a good day! 


	4. Morning Mayhem

Chapter 4  
A/N: Thank you to those few who have reviewed my story, and to those who haven't...  
you'll be sorry..just kidding. I don't own DBZ or anything else. I never will.  
  
  
Groggily, Bulma opened her eyes only to see the proud prince of saiyans asleep next to her in the  
master bedroom. *Oh shit! He...we...dammit. What do I tell him?* Bulma decided to sneak out  
of the bedroom so as not to wake up Vegeta. She went downstairs to make herself some coffee.   
  
Yamucha however, had a much more rude awakening. He found himself tied to a table, with  
many tiny cats staring up at him, including Puar. "What the-"   
  
"Silence! You infidel! You have abused this-" A leader-type scruffy orange-haired cat holds up  
Puar's hand "poor, innocent, kind cat. Such abuse shall be punished! Well, fellow brothers and  
sisters of the IGOTC, what shall we do with him?" Yamucha attempted to speak, but decided  
not to when Dr. Briefs' cat held a tiny spear near his nose. "Oh, and if you were wondering,   
pathetic human, IGOTC stands for International Group of Talking Cats." informed the orange-  
haired leader. "Anyways, back to what I said before...what shall we do with him?" A huge cry  
rose up from the crowd of crazed felines:   
  
"Crucify him! Crucify him!"   
  
*Man, this ain't my day. First Vegeta rapes my girl, and now I'm going to be crucified by cats.   
Just wonderful*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Aah! What the hell is wrong with my head? I feel like I'm going to throw up yesterday's meal.*  
Vegeta slowly got up from the bed, not accustomed to having such a dreadful hangover. *What  
the hell am I doing in this room? Last thing I remember was...drinking that water...* Vegeta  
quickly ran downstairs, forgetting to get dressed in his hurry. "WOMAN!"   
  
*Oh no..he's up..what do I tell him?* "Uh..yeah Vegeta?"  
  
"What the hell happened to me last night." A long period of silence followed, until Vegeta  
couldn't stand it anymore. He ran right up to Bulma, standing inches from her visage. "What  
happened?" He was so close to her that she was starting to get scared.   
  
"Well.."   
  
"ANSWER ME!!"   
  
"Do you want the lie that you want to hear, or the truth that will scar you for life and make you  
cry and scream like a girl?"   
  
"Ha! Nothing could do that to the prince of saiyans!" Bulma suddenly realized that Vegeta was  
still naked.   
  
"Um, well, how about you get some clothes on before I tell you?"   
  
Vegeta wore a puzzled look on his face, until he realized that he was, indeed nude. His face  
became as red as a tomato and he rushed upstairs faster than he had ever moved in his entire life.  
  
*Hoo boy. I didn't think that stuff would make him that drunk, yeesh. Now I have to explain  
everythi-"   
  
"Bulma!"   
  
"Yes dad?"   
  
"Did Yamucha manage to find his brush?"   
  
"His..." *Yamucha must've done something to the drink as well! I'm going to kill the slimy  
bastard!* "Yeah, he got his brush."   
  
"Just checking."  
  
"Oh, and dad?"   
  
"Yes, Bulma?"   
  
"Where were you last night?"   
  
"Oh, your mother and I just went on a little getaway for our 30th anniversary, that's all."   
  
"I see. Don't go in the master bedroom, okay?"   
  
"Sure...why?"   
  
"Trust me on this one."   
  
"Alright then..."   
  
"Thanks."  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Get your ass moving, human scum!"   
  
*That leader cat reminds me of Vegeta...he always called me human scum as well.*   
  
"Keep your pace up!" yelled a pink cat with purple spots. Out of the corner of his eye, Yamucha  
saw Puar whisper something into the leader cat's ear.   
  
"Since Puar is the abused one, she has decided that Yamucha shall not be crucified."   
  
"Aw, no fair." said a green kitten no bigger than Yamucha's index finger. Puar then spoke up,  
with a sinister voice so uncharacteristic of her normally sweet self.  
  
"I have a much better plan for him. Tie him up for now." In a few quick seconds, Yamucha and  
his makeshift cross of aluminum were bound tightly to the ground, while Puar explained her  
plan to the other cats.   
  
*Oh no... what's going to happen to me now?* Yamucha was so scared and nervous that sweat  
started pouring off of him into a pool on the ground.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Vegeta walked slowly down the stairs, dressed this time, pondering his thoughts. *Hm. I wonder  
what that accursed woman has to tell me. She's taking forever-so it can't be good. She knows  
what happened. I bet whatever happened is all her fault. There's at least one consolation...as least  
she isn't ugly. Otherwise, I don't think I could stand being here. It's nice to have something  
attractive to stare at...what the hell am I thinking? She's a weak human idiot. A rather sexy weak  
human idiot.* Vegeta, troubled by this unnerving thought, walked into the living room where  
Bulma was sitting with a cup of coffee and a muffin.   
  
"So...you're here."   
  
"Yes, I'm here, now tell me what happened, stupid woman."   
  
"Name calling isn't going to get you anywhere...Elvis." Bulma snickered, remembering the night  
before.  
  
"What does that old rock n' roll idiot of your human pop culture have to do with me? Well?"  
Bulma had her mouth hanging open without realizing it, since she had let the cat out of the bag.  
"Woman, I'm only going to ask you one more time before I blow you to bits. WHAT THE  
HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT???!!!"   
  
"You got really, really drunk....and you...."   
  
  
"And I what?"  
  
"You....dammit. How do I say this? You...thought you were Elvis Presley."   
  
"That's it?? All of this friggin suspense and that's IT??"   
  
"No...there's more."   
  
"Spill it already."   
  
"You...you..."  
  
"What did I do that was so damn horrible?"   
  
"YoucarriedmeupstairsintomyparentsmasterbedroomanddecidedthatyouwantedtodomeandIcould  
n'tverywelldoanythingbutatthesametimeIactuallyfoundittobeawesome."   
  
"Slow down so I can understand you, woman! I'm damn near losing all my patience!"   
  
"My name is Bulma! I can't believe it! You slept with me and you still won't call me by my own  
f***ing name!" Vegeta's face grew very pale, and his whole body started shaking violently.  
"Vegeta...are you okay?"   
  
"So what you're saying is...I...raped you?"   
  
"Hell no. That was the best damn night of my life. I had no idea you were so...equipped."   
Vegeta stood there in shock, then screamed at the top of his lungs like a little 5 year-old girl.   
  
"NOOOOOO!!!"  
  
"Oh, come on Vegeta. I'm not that lousy. And besides, you don't remember anyways, am I right?"  
Vegeta, not wanting to actually admit that Bulma WAS right, stayed silent. "Well....?"   
  
"Fine. You're right. But since I don't remember it..."   
  
"Vegeta...I don't like that look in your eyes...wait, yes I do." Vegeta inched closer to Bulma.   
  
"...I think I'd like to refresh my memory." Bulma stared at him for two seconds before giving him  
a full kiss on the lips. "I guess that's a yes." Vegeta picked Bulma up and carried her upstairs,  
where they made love with a passion that could never be equalled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hey guys! Thanks for reading my story...but guess what? It's not done! Oh no, you  
didn't think I'd leave you wondering what happened to Yamucha, did you? And Vegeta's  
in for another nasty shock as well. I'll get the next chapter posted soon, I promise. 


	5. Secrets and Evil Plans put into Place

Chapter 5  
  
A/N: Hey all! Sorry if it took longer for this chapter to get posted, but I'm still in school and  
do many things and have only so much time....yada, yada yada yada I'm sure you don't need to hear  
anymore crap like this. I don't own dragonballz, or anything else for that matter. If you sued me, you wouldn't get much. Of course, I do own the IGOTC and some of its members. Puar and the   
little black cat are owned by Akira Toryama. Enough of this, on with the story!!  
  
*thoughts*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Now 1:00 in the afternoon, Bulma collapsed after an intense 5 rounds of sex with Vegeta.   
  
"I just... can't... go on..."   
  
"Well, is it my fault you're so weak?"   
  
Bulma, unable to talk from exhaustion, just gave a death glare to Vegeta.   
  
"Well then, I'll take that as a no."   
  
Groaning, Bulma slowly got up from the bed and wandered out into the hall.   
  
"And just where do you think you're going?"   
  
"Only to the washroom, jeez. Just because I slept with you doesn't give you parental right to know where I am at all times." Vegeta just mumbled something in reply as Bulma disappeared into the washroom.  
  
*Let's see... here they are... home pregancy tests... please let it not show up... oh shit!! How is that possible? It was only yesterday! How can his sperm move that fast??*   
  
Bulma left the washroom and went downstairs to check how the home security system was doing.   
  
*Hmm, lesee... what's this? OhmyKami... it's Vegeta... on tape when he's drunk! Ha! Now he'll get to see what he did... but maybe I should do something else... I know Piccolo would pay to see this... but that wouldn't be fair. He's actually been decent for the past little while, this will be shock enough.*  
  
Bulma downloaded the tape from the security system into her laptop, then walked into the kitchen to find Vegeta standing there eating a nectarine.   
  
"What took you so long?"   
  
"Just stuff... I have something to show you."   
  
"What could be important enough on that contraption that I should look at with my privileged eyesight?"  
  
"Privileged eyesight my ass. Just watch the screen." Vegeta watched the screen and saw Bulma filling up his glass with the alcohol.   
  
"So it was you! You asked for it woman, you can't blame me anymore!"  
  
"Shut up and watch the damn tape." spat Bulma, knowing Vegeta was somewhat right. Yamucha appeared on the screen and the two watched as he poured his mixture into the glass. Vegeta's face grew pale as blue smoke rose from the cup. They watched the on-screen saiyan drink the mixture, head off, then saw Yamucha pour more into the glass, then Bulma come in and put more in. The blue smoke drifted up again, and the pair watched Vegeta come back into the room and drink the entire glass.   
  
When the once-arrogant saiyan turned into 'Elvis', Bulma laughed her head off while Vegeta banged his head on the wall for acting like such an idiot. Bulma stopped the video just as 'Elvis' was carrying Bulma out of the room.   
  
"Thank Kami that's over."   
  
"It's not over yet." mumbled Bulma.   
  
"I heard that... there's something else... isn't there?"  
  
Bulma stayed silent.   
  
"There is. Is it even worse than this."   
  
"It depends..."   
  
"What kind of shit is that? Tell me, what's going on?"   
  
"Well..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yamucha was almost drowning in sweat by the time Puar had finished explaining her lengthy but evil plan to the other members of the IGOTC. The felines, bent on revenge, made their way back to Yamucha, who was getting more and more afraid by the moment.   
  
"Your punishment," announced the leader cat, "shall be long, torturous and humiliating."   
  
"Just grea-"   
  
"Silence! We did not give you permission to speak, evil cat abuser!"   
  
The little green kitten pulled out a hooked whip from nowhere and gave Yamucha his just desserts.   
  
"YEOW-OW-OW-EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" screamed the unfortunate human so loud that Piccolo, who was 400 miles away, lost his concentration. *Damn Yamucha. Has to scream like a girl right when I was so close to achieving ultimate contact with my inner soul and the universe. It's so like him. *  
  
Meanwhile, at Goku's house, ChiChi was busy folding laundry, cooking supper and nagging Gohan about his studies all at the same time when the doorbell rang. There stood Puar, a cheery smile etched on her face.   
  
"Hi ChiChi!"   
  
"Oh hi there Puar! What brings you here?"   
  
"Would you happen to have your maternity dresses still?"   
  
"Er... yes... why on earth do you ask?"   
  
"Well, you see, my friend is going to have a baby... you wouldn't know her. She doesn't have very much money... she barely has enough to feed herself, let alone buy any new clothes, which she desperately needs."   
  
"I'd be happy to help your friend - just let me get them. I have a bunch. What colour would be best?"  
  
"Oh, could you bring them all? I'd like to see them."   
  
"Sure thing." ChiChi disappeared for a few moments then returned with 10 maternity dresses. Two were flowery print, one yellow with blue flowers, the other orange with black hibiscuses. One was a long, black, plain dress. Three were purple and orange, and were the same as her usual outfit, only larger. Three were blue denim with short sleeves, and the last one was a short, tight dress with spaghetti straps. Sparkles were all over it and it was a devil red.   
  
"That one is SO her!"   
  
"That slutty one? Bulma gave it to me as a gift... I've never even worn it. I'm glad it will be put to a good use."   
  
"Oh, don't worry ChiChi..." an evil grin spread across Puar's face. "It will be put to very good use."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Puar slowly walked to Yamucha and undid his bounds.   
  
"Oh, thank you Puar, I was so worried you'd never forgive me and-"   
  
"Be quiet! Did we give permission for you to speak?" Yamucha shut up and decided to listen to Puar, because he was afraid for his life.   
  
"Now. Put this on." Yamucha's mouth dropped to the ground as he saw the red dress.   
  
"Kanimi?"   
  
"Yes Puar?" "Did you get the strapless gel bra I asked for?"   
  
"Absolutely." The pink cat with purple spots revealed a gel wonder bra.   
  
"Puar...how could you do this to me?"   
  
"Easily you bastard." spat the miffed cat. "Now, put on this bra and the dress. Then the REAL fun will begin. Mwuhahahahaha!!" Puar started to laugh insanely.   
  
"You know what? Screw this! I'm a martial arts expert and could beat the shit out of all you cats! I have the power!"   
  
The leader cat sauntered up to Yamucha, apparently hiding something behind his back.   
  
"If you don't do as we say... we always have mister cattle prod to help convince you." He pulled out a rather sharp cattle prod. Yamucha became very scared, gulped in a deep breath, then proceeded to go behind a large rock and get changed.   
  
"I knew you would see our way. Once you're done, report to Micheal, the brown cat with the blue collar for makeup." announced the leader with a smug grin on his face.   
  
Yamucha's face contorted and twisted in horror at the thought.   
  
"He's got the perfect face for it too." teased Micheal.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So, what are those poor cats going to do to Yamucha, the new man (or woman)? What deadly secret is Bulma hiding from Vegeta? (You people should know this!!) Are you guys mad I took so long? You better not be! I'm a very busy person! Tune in for the next chapter peeps! 


	6. Birth of Yolanda

Chapter 6  
  
A/N: Hope you guys are liking the story so far - I know, I'm dragging it out a long while. You'll just have to keep reading and see how long it goes. Aren't I cruel? Heehee...well, anyways, usual disclaimers go, and I don't own Garfield, so on and so forth. On with the story!!  
  
*thoughts*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So, how do you like it?"   
  
"DEAR KAMI LET ME DIE NOW!" Yamucha started bawling at the top of his lungs like a 4-year-old girl. Micheal, desperately trying not to drown in the tears, put on a mocking frown.   
  
"Oh, come now. It can't be all that bad." Yamucha had foundation, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, rouge, sparkles... in short, he now looked like a drag queen.   
  
"Oh, and we have another thing for you." snickered Puar evilly. The blue cat held up a long, black wig that had straight, womanly hair, almost what Chi-Chi's hair would look like if she let it grow another 3 feet and didn't tie it up.   
  
Yamucha stood speechless as Kanimi shaved his head bald, then placed the wig on his, or rather 'her' head. "By the way, your name is no longer Yamucha."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Of course not! We don't want anyone to recognize you... and you need a woman's name." Yamucha was almost ready to cry again.   
  
"Can someone else besides you pick the name at least?"   
  
"Hmm..." Puar thought for a moment. "Alright. Leader!"   
  
"Yes, Puar?"   
  
"Pick a name for this ingrate."  
  
"Why of course..." the orange-haired cat snickered evilly. "How about Penelope! That would really suit her."   
  
"NOOO!" screamed Yamucha.   
  
"How nice... you're in character already... screaming like a girl and all. You know what, that name isn't any good. Yolanda would be much more suited to you."   
  
Puar smiled like she agreed. "Yes, Yolanda is perfect." Yamucha, or rather, Yolanda stood in horror as Puar said: "Now, as for what you're going to do in this getup..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL IS IT THAT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME! SPEAK NOW OR  
SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"   
  
"Vegeta, if you touch me or the baby I swear to god I'll kick your..." *Oh shit! I just told him! Shit, shit shit... dammit!*  
  
Vegeta stood in silence for 2 whole minutes as Bulma became so nervous she started to shake.   
  
"YES!" Vegeta jumped so high into the air that Bulma was afraid he was going to fly right through the roof. She stood there with a puzzled expression on her face that turned into a scream as Vegeta lifted her into the air. "Haha! There shall be an heir to the throne of Vegetasei!  
Praise Kami!"   
  
"Put me down!"   
  
"And what will you do if I don't?"   
  
"I'll get an abortion."   
  
"You can't possibly get an abortion while I'm holding you up in the air." said the arrogant saiyan with a smirk. "I'm right, you know."   
  
"Shut up! You're not right!"   
  
"Yes I am."   
  
"No you're not! I can't lose!"   
  
"Admit it, woman. You just lost an argument to the prince of saiyans."   
  
"NO I DID NOT!" At this, Vegeta just laughed his signature laugh and walked out of the room. *Ooh, that Vegeta... he makes me so mad... dammit, why does he have to be right all the time? I always got my way with Yamucha... I guess that's why I got bored. I wonder what he's doing now that I dumped him? Probably mourning over his loss or drinking to the point of passing out. I'm gonna have to thank him for hooking me up with Vegeta... nah. He doesn't deserve it.*  
  
What Bulma didn't know was that her ex was too busy avoiding a cattle prod to worry about her. "Ow! Watch where you point that thing, Puar!"   
  
"Shut up and get a move on! Keep your ki down... do you WANT them to know it's you?"  
  
"Who... do I want who to know... what are you guys gonna make me do?"   
  
All the cats suddenly broke out into evil laughter, scaring 'Yolanda' so badly she started to bite her newly manicured nails.   
  
"Stop that. You're ruining my artwork." complained Micheal.   
  
"Now. The first thing you are going to do, Yolanda, is flirt with a few men."   
  
"But I'm not gay!"   
  
"You're a woman now, and besides, no one believes you on that one."   
  
'Yolanda', too dumbfounded to think of anything, shut up and let Puar continue.   
  
"Aha! There's one now... go over and give it your best shot." 'Yolanda' looked around the bend and saw none other than Piccolo using multi-form and sparring with himself.   
  
"NO!... Owee! Fine I'll go... just stop poking me!" As 'Yolanda' walked very slowly over to where Piccolo was training, a rather fat cat who was orange with black stripes proceeded to start videotaping the entire thing.   
  
"Hey Garfield?"   
  
"Yeah boss?"   
  
"Don't screw up this tape... I know many people who will pay big bucks for everything this idiot is about to do."   
  
"Sure thing." Garfield kept the video camera rolling while eating a 30-foot sub.  
  
"Hey there, big guy."   
  
Piccolo stopped his training and pulled himself together to find a long, raven-haired muscular girl with large breasts. She also wore a rather slutty dress with just enough makeup to put her on that fine line between 70's caked and Oh my Kami I think I'm going to be sick."Er... hey... what do you want?"   
  
The woman sauntered closer towards Piccolo, then fell on her high heeled shoes. It took all the effort the Namek had not to laugh out loud as she picked herself up.  
  
"I've heard from the other girls that you're a real stud - and you know what us ladies want... is this true?" the woman all of a sudden became very close to Piccolo.   
  
"Um, what ladies? You know, I really think I should go - have to meet with my friend Gohan - I still have to meditate... goodbye!" A rather spooked Piccolo sped off into the almost evening sky. 'Yolanda' sat on the ground and started screaming out to no one in particular.   
  
"MY LIFE IS RUINED FOREVER! I FLIRTED WITH A NAMEK!" She sobbed and sniffled, then continued shrieking. "PICCOLO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A FRIGGIN SEX! WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL TO MEEEEEEEEE??!!!" 'Yolanda' kept sobbing and crying.   
  
"You getting this, Garfield?"  
  
"Sure thing, Puar." The fat tabby kept focussing in on the tortured soul who once was Yamucha while munching on a 50 foot pizza. Puar went over to the crying human.   
  
"Puar... I thought... we were friends... boohoohoohoooo!!!" 'Yolanda' kept crying until Puar delivered a good smack to her head. "OW! What was that for?"   
  
"Pull yourself together... you have to go and visit a few more people until my revenge is complete. You're smearing all your makeup. Micheal! Fix 'her' face, will ya?"  
  
"Of course, it would be my pleasure." 'Yolanda' got her face fixed, then became rather pale when 'she' heard who was the next person to be flirted with.   
  
"NOOO! Not him! Please Kami not him! NOOOOO!!" 'Yolanda' suddenly was jabbed in the ass with the cattle prod. "EEEOOW! Fine, I'll go." *Dammit. Why him? I mean, even Piccolo was better than this guy!*  
  
Who is to be the next victim of Yamucha's slutty flirtations? How much more can Garfield eat before he will explode? Will Yamucha go insane and destroy the entire IGOTC? You'll have to read the next chapter! Reviews are always welcome, good or bad. Sorry this took so long, I was at my dad's and I can't take my stories with me. Read on and stay cool, y'all. 


	7. Oh Poor, Poor Yamucha

A/N: Hey peeps! Chapter 7 here, thanks for the reviews and hope ya like this one!  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own DBZ, Garfield, the little black cat or Puar, but the IGOTC is mine and mine alone. Don't any of you dare use it!  
  
*thoughts*  
  
Chapter 7  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Inside the Kame house, Master Roshi and Oolong sat in the living room, folding underwear like the perverts they are. By pure chance, Oolong happened to look outside and see Garfield eating a large pan of lasagna and holding his video camera in his other hand.   
  
"Hey Roshi! We're on TV!"   
  
"Hey yeah...and who's that hot chick near by?"   
  
"Hey! I'll bet they're taping for one of those shows where they get the hot girls to go and flirt with the lucky guys!"   
  
"All right! I guess we're the lucky guys!"   
  
Oolong and Master Roshi jumped around the house for joy, flinging panties wherever they walked, singing: "We are the champions, We are the champions! No time for losers, cuz we are the champions!!" in really, really, extremely bad voices.  
  
Garfield decided to tape this rather funny scene, and laughed his head off when Oolong slipped on one of the shiny panties and fell on his pork butt on the floor.  
  
"Plee-hee-hee-heease! Don't make me do thiiiiiiiiis! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"   
  
"Come on 'Yolanda'. Quit crying like a baby and go over there."   
  
"Puar, my name is Yamucha! Please stop, I'll do anything, I'll-" Once again, Mr. Cattle Prod made his appearance. "FINE." 'Yolanda' went up to the Kame House door and knocked.   
  
BANG BANG BANG   
  
The door opened to reveal Master Roshi and Oolong standing with flowered panties on their heads, which they quickly discarded of.   
  
"Um... hey there guys." said Yamucha, then gave a little girlish laugh, which made Oolong drool.   
  
"Hey hot stuff." breathed the old turtle elder. "How's about you come inside and show my friend and I how to have a good time? Your body is the best I've seen in ages."   
  
"He should know."   
  
Master Roshi glared at Oolong, then shoved him out of the way. "So, whaddya say? Lookin' for some fun, girl?"   
  
"Er... IjustrememberedthatIhavetogoandcatchuponsometimeatworkbecause  
I'vebeentakingsickleaveforareallylongtimeandIgottago!" said Yamucha, speeding through all the words, then turning around... and felt a hand on his behind. "AAAAH! You stupid pervert! Get the hell away from  
me! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!" screamed the distraught male as he made a beeline for somewhere very, very far away from where he was now.   
  
"You scared him off, old-timer!"   
  
"I did not! It was you!"   
  
"Admit it, Roshi. A pig is the sexiest thing out there. You have no chance against me."   
  
"Yeah, well I was the martial arts champion-"   
  
"That was ages ago! Now everyone can beat your sorry wrinkled ass and you know it!"   
  
The two continued arguing as the IGOTC, laughing their arses off, packed up their equipment and headed off to find 'Yolanda' and perform more torture on the skankily dressed male.  
  
"Hmm... lesee... how about Goku? Or his kid, Gohan?" inquired the little black cat.   
  
"Nope, we can't risk that. ChiChi might be there... and that's where we got the dress from."   
  
"I have a great idea!" everyone turned and looked at the teeny-weeny green kitten. "How about the place where Puar knocked him out? Isn't there a guy at that place?"   
  
"Yes, Yes, YES! You are a genius! Vegeta lives there... it would be the ULTIMATE torture. Hahahahahahahahahaha!" Puar's insane and somewhat masculine laughter continued until she realized she was scaring the rest of her fellow members. "Oops, sorry. Now, check the radar. Where is Yamucha anyways?"   
  
A red cat named Veo took out a laptop from the IGOTC 'bag of utilities' and pressed a few keys. "He's moving really, really fast and going to a lesbian hangout." she said.   
  
"WHAT? He'll enjoy that! We have to head him off, now! Break out the capsule car, Veo!"   
  
"Right away Boss." said Veo to the orange scruffy leader cat. She took out a capsule from the bag and had it turn into a car. "We're off!"   
  
Whaddya think? Let me know! More to come, and the orange haired leader cat gets a name in later chapters! Have a good day! 


	8. Where's the Food?

A/N: Hey people! Thanks for the wonderful reviews, here's the next chapter!  
  
I don't own Dragonballz  
  
*thoughts*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"AAAAaaaaah!"   
  
Bulma came running into the room after hearing a girlish scream coming from the kitchen. "Vegeta? What's wrong?"  
  
"ALL THE FOOD IS GONE FROM THE FRIDGE EXCEPT FOR THAT STUPID MINIGO  
YOGURT!! I HATE THAT STUFF!"   
  
"Well, you certainly didn't have a problem when you emptied it, so I figured I could store some away so you wouldn't eat it all... plus, in a few months or less I'll be eating for the baby too... so I'll need all the food I can get."   
  
"SOME? MORE LIKE A WEEK'S WORTH!"   
  
"Hey, relax! I didn't complain this much when YOU ate all the food, vegetable head."   
  
Vegeta just stood in the kitchen for a moment, then: "What did you just call me?" The proud saiyan was dumbfounded that anyone could even THINK of making fun of his name.   
  
"Vegetable head. It really suits you." sneered a confident Bulma. Vegeta mumbled something incomprehensible to Bulma, but she was pretty sure it was some kind of obscenity. "Well, I'll leave you to go and figure out how to get some food. I'm going over to ChiChi's... she  
was pregnant before... and I want to know what I'm getting into."   
  
"And just how are you going to explain to her HOW you became pregnant?"   
  
"Tell her the truth, what else can I do?"   
  
"Well, I guess it's your choice if you want to stay deaf for 3 months."   
  
"It has its advantages."   
  
"Like?"   
  
"I won't have to listen to you yapping about how great your stupid saiyan race is, and your royal bloodline and how strong you are and all that crap I hear so often. Even a week without that would be great." Bulma had thought she had finally bested the arrogant monkey man, but as he walked out, Vegeta spoke.   
  
"Admit it, without me you'd be lost in the arms of that jerk what's-his-face. I am superior and you know it... whether you like it or not."   
  
Bulma seethed inside. *Grrr... why can't I win? He's as good as me when it comes to arguing... I know: I'll get revenge! Mwuhaha-wait. Look what happened the last time you tried that. I guess I better just let it go and threaten to turn off the gravity machine if he pisses me off.*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*I made it! I actually got away from those crazy cats! Now to go into the lesbian bar... I can finally flirt with women again! REAL ACTUAL WOMEN!!*   
  
"Not so fast, human scum!" Yamucha's happy thoughts were drowned in his sweat as the IGOTC suddenly appeared behind him (or her) in a capsule car.   
  
*Crap, oh shit. Why me? Why is it always me?*   
  
"We have another assignment for you, 'Yolanda'." said the orange-haired leader cat with a smirk on his face.   
  
"What now?"   
  
"Puar, explain to him, will you? You do it so well."   
  
"Why thank you. Anyways... Yamucha. You are about to embark on a magical quest to visit a magical palace in which you shall meet prince charming and try to make him yours."   
  
"Hey Puar, you think he knows who it is?"   
  
"No way Garfield, he's a dumbass."   
  
"HEY!" Mr. Cattle prod made yet another guest appearance.   
  
"STOP!" Everyone looked at the pink cat with the purple spots.   
  
"What is it?" "Well, I think Mr. cattle prod is kinda losing his touch, Puar."   
  
"What do you suggest?"   
  
"I suggest a visit from Miss Whip." The cat pulled out a rather long rawhide whip with barbs and spikes on the end. "Now, pitiful human-you will do as we say... or else."   
  
SNAP!  
  
*Just great. A dominatrix cat. Things can't get any worse.* Yamucha cowered and spoke in a tiny girlish voice. "I'll do whatever you say, just please don't hurt me!"   
  
"Good." said the orange leader cat.   
  
"What was that whole thing about the castle and the prince?"   
  
"Oh, you'll see 'Yolanda', you'll definitely see." said Puar with an evil grin on her face.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I'm going to ChiChi's now! If you don't trash the place I'll bring you back some of her cooking!"   
  
"As long as you don't make something, I'll eat it."   
  
Bulma thought of saying something, but then decided against it, since she wanted to go and see ChiChi as fast as she could. Bulma jumped into her convertible and sped away towards the countryside.   
  
*Stupid baka woman, took all the food away... at least she didn't get at my secret stash of Pillsbury Pizza Pops. Mmm... here they are. Now... how do I work the microwave? All of the appliances here on Earth are so ancient. Back on Freeza's ship, I could at least figure out how to work the damn microwave - but I sure as hell would rather figure this out than to be back on that ship with that transsexual slut and the Ginyu Goons.*   
  
Just as Vegeta finished his thought, Yamucha, who was dressed as a transsexual slut himself, was brought before Capsule Corp. by the IGOTC.   
  
"No..." whispered 'Yolanda' in absolute horror. "Not him...please Kami let him be off sparring with Goku or something... I'd rather flirt with Bulma's dad than do this..."   
  
"Shut your trap! Garfield, start the camera!"   
  
"Right boss." The camera started to roll, and Yamucha took his first shaky step forward....  
  
Haha! I'm going to leave you there! What will become of Yamucha flirting with 'Prince Charming?' (yeah right). Is Bulma actually going to tell ChiChi the whole truth about how she's pregnant? Will Bulma die from ear failure, or will it be ChiChi from laughing so hard at Bulma? Just how many different weapons does the IGOTC have? And what will happen when the Z gang starts gossiping about 'Yolanda?' You'll have to wait and see! I also don't own Pillsbury Pizza Pops. I adore and worship them as a food lover. So don't sue me. I'll have to pay you in cat hair from our rugs if you do. 


	9. Prince Charming

Chapter 8  
  
A/N: Aren't you all happy this one's here? For those on mm.org anyhow. I'm just editing on ff.net, where most of my fics are (hint hint, go see!)  
  
I don't own Dragonballz, but I do have a legitimate claim to many members of the IGOTC excluding the little black cat, Puar and Garfield. Anyone uses them, that's ok as long as I get some of whatever cash they make, if any.  
  
*thoughts*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gohan and Goku were out sparring in the meadow near their home when they saw Bulma drive up in her convertible.   
  
"Hey Bulma!"  
  
"Oh, hey Goku!"   
  
"What'cha doin' here?"   
  
"Looking for ChiChi... is she inside?"   
  
"Yeah, she's making muffins... mmmmmm...." Goku started to drool as Bulma walked inside the tiny cottage where the Sons lived.   
  
"ChiChi?"   
  
"Bulma! You made it! So, you're pregnant? I guess Yamucha finally popped the question, eh? Oooh, you're going to get married and have kids and everything! I'm so proud for you!"  
  
"Um... well... it's not exactly like that..."   
  
"So he just agreed to marry you when he figured out you were pregnant so your kid wouldn't be a bastard?"   
  
"No... it's... well... different..."   
  
"So you're pregnant, he doesn't know and you're gonna have a bastard for a kid who looks like Yamucha?"   
  
"Well... Yamucha's not the father."   
  
"WHAT??!!"   
  
ChiChi's ear piercing scream echoed throughout the house. Goku and Gohan barely noticed. They were completely used to her yelling, so they continued sparring.   
  
"Who is it?! Dear Kami, you're pregnant with some mystery man? Did you get drunk?? Were you stoned out of your mind? Tell me!!"   
  
"Actually, he was the drunk one."   
  
"Huh?" ChiChi's visage was one of utter confusion.   
  
Bulma proceeded to tell ChiChi the entire story of how she screwed up on her revenge plan, modifying it so she didn't know it was Vegeta she slept with.   
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" ChiChi laughed insanely while Bulma frowned.   
  
"It's not that funny."   
  
"Yes it is! HEEHEEHEEEHAHAHAHOOHOOHEEEHEEEEEEEE!" ChiChi then cleared her throat and regained her composure. "So...who's the guy?"   
  
Bulma didn't speak, afraid for her already sore eardrums.   
  
"Well? Do I know him?"   
  
"Kinda..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Outside Piccolo ran up to the two saiyans and started to talk at 500 miles a minute.   
  
"Whoa, Piccolo, slow down! I can't understand a single word you're saying!"   
  
"Sorry Gohan." Piccolo took in a deep breath, then exhaled. "I'm fine now. Wait... no I'm not, I'm traumatized for life. Here's what happened. I'm out training, and this woman comes up and starts flirting with me!"   
  
"Ooh, Piccolo the ladies man! Congrats!"   
  
"No Goku, not congrats. This woman was really slutty, with boobes that were fake, and her legs were really hairy. I don't mind hair, but this was like King Kong attached to her calves."   
  
"EEeeew!"   
  
"I know. To make matters worse, she had NO KI. Which means..."   
  
"What does it mean, Piccolo?"   
  
"Well, Gohan, it means she's really a male guy hiding her ki. I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE! WHY ME? WHY COULDN'T THAT SHEMALE PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE? I'M A VERY SENSITIVE NAMEK AND THAT WAS TOO DISTURBING FOR ME TO LIVE ON!"   
  
Piccolo sat down on the ground and cried like a baby while Goku and Gohan looked at each other with the famous anime sweatdrop on their faces. All of a sudden, Krillin, Master Roshi, Oolong, Tien, Chaotzu and Yajirobe landed on the green grass.   
  
"Hey Roshi! Tell them what happened! We were so close!"   
  
"Oolong is just gloating because some slutty girl came over and flirted with them, then ran away in pure horror." said a monotone Tien, having heard the story WAAAAY too many times. Piccolo's face turned white.   
  
"W-w-was she wearing a red sparkly dress... and did she have hairy legs?"   
  
Roshi thought for a moment, a rare occurrence, the old pervert thinking. "Hmm... now that you mention it, yeah, that's what she looked like... as if King Kong was attached to her calves."   
  
"I've never been more insulted in my entire life! First me, then she goes to you?"   
  
Everyone looked at Piccolo, eyes bulging out of their sockets.   
  
"You mean she flirted with you, too?"  
  
"Yea, pig, she did."   
  
"Did you see the video cameras?"   
  
"What video cameras? Oh... now it makes sense."   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"The girl had no ki, so I'm guessing it's a guy hiding his ki so he can't be recognized and being forced to flirt with us while he gets videotaped for further humiliation."   
  
"Gosh Piccolo, I never thought of that! You're so smart!"   
  
"Thank you Goku, I try. I really do. I'm going to win the Nobel Prize someday, AND YOU'LL ALL BOW BEFORE ME!"   
  
The entire group turned away from Piccolo, slightly afraid of the Namek who almost had bloodshot eyes. They continued on their conversation.  
  
"Revenge? Bulma said something about revenge... I wonder if..."   
  
"Krillin - what are you saying?"   
  
"I'm saying we should find Bulma and-"   
  
"Bulma's inside talking to my mom."   
  
"Let's go then!"   
  
What was gathered in the field that was the Z Gang went to go pester Bulma for some answers, including Piccolo, who had recovered from his lapse of sanity.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I can't! It's too horrible, I - EEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWCH! No more, NO MORE! I'll do it."   
  
"Excellent, Yamucha, that's exactly what we want to hear. Garfield?"   
  
Bubba Tom looked over to find Garfield eating some ferns with Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing.   
  
"Yeff Bosh?" said the tabby with his mouth full.   
  
"You still getting this?"   
  
"Don' vowry bosh. Am all offer ich."   
  
"Would you stop eating with your mouth open?"   
  
Garfield took a large swallow.  
  
"Sorry boss. I said I'm all over it, so don't worry." Bubba Tom pulled his face into an evil Mr. Burns take.   
  
"Excellent. This should work perfectly according to plan."   
  
The other members of the IGOTC became somewhat scared, as they found Mr. Burns to be evil and old and conniving and the like.   
  
"What are you waiting for, pathetic human? MOVE!"   
  
Yamucha slowly took steps to Capsule Corp until he was on their doorstep. Shaking like a leaf, he rang the doorbell, then started praying.   
  
"Our Kami, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy-"   
  
The door opened to reveal Vegeta standing there, holding a plate with 5 pizza pops and a large glass of Coke.   
  
"Who are you and what do you want."   
  
"Well, I-I've heard that you're royalty. I've always had a th-th-thing for that."   
  
Vegeta's ego suddenly shot up past the nonexistent moon and he decided to keep talking.   
  
"Well yes. I'm descended from a long line of saiyan blood, and my heritage is unquestionable. My strength is enough to beat anyone who gets in my way."   
  
*I already know that, that's why I hate being here!* "I like strong men."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
I'll bet you do Yamucha! Hehehe... let me know what you think and have a great day people! Christmas is almost here... ^_____^ 


	10. Realization

Many thoughts passed through Vegeta's mind at that point, none of which where good.  
  
"So, you think you can handle me, lady?" said Vegeta in a  
seductive voice. "O-o-of-f c-c-  
cours-se." stuttered the disturbed man  
in the devil red dress. "You see, a saiyan likes, in fact, LOVES sex and the like. However,  
tradition goes that if the selected female does not  
do everything perfectly...the male shall perform an act of cannibalism." "M-m-meaning?"  
whispered the terrified Yamucha, knowing all too  
well what Vegeta was talking about but playing the role of the dumb girl. "Meaning, beautiful  
one, that if you do not live up to my royal   
standards, I will eat you-but in a much more honourable way than I eat these pizza pops. Mmm."  
Vegeta then took a shaker of salt and   
sprinkled a little on Yamucha's shoulder. "Just in case, I like to pre-prepare meals before I know  
if I'm actually going to eat them or not.   
Here...let me get some pepper."  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK  
K!" 'Yolanda' screamed like  
the girl she/he was and ran away from Capsule Corp, then fell on her high heels. Vegeta stood  
there laughing, holding a pepper shaker and unknowingly spilling  
it all over his pizza pops. "Shut up!" yelled Yamucha as he sped away. "Hahahaha...NOOO! I got  
pepper all over my pizza pops! It's the end of the world! NOOOO!" I better cry now  
so when Bulma comes back, I'll be acting normal. So after that thought, Vegeta sat down on the  
front steps and cried as Garfield zoomed in  
at Puar's orders, who, like any person who knew Vegeta, wanted to catch him crying on tape,  
since he never did cry.  
  
"Bulma! We have some questions to ask!" shouted Krillin as he and the others who were out on  
the lawn all crowded into ChiChi's living   
room. "Not you, too. ChiChi's been asking me stuff forever." "It would help many, many poor  
troubled souls such as myself." "What do you  
mean, Piccolo?" "There's a man going around flirting with certain individuals that no one else  
would ever dare go near in normal circumstances,  
dressed as a woman in a tight, slutty red dress with sparkles and-" "That's my dress! Puar told me  
that her pregnant friend needed some   
clothes, so I gave it to her...so there's a guy wearing my dress??!!" "In short, yes. Since there  
were some people with cameras, we figured  
that it was an evil revenge plan, since the guy screamed when Roshi came too close." "Now that  
you mention it, Piccolo, it was a cat operating  
the video camera. There were a bunch of other cats near this one." Since ChiChi had been  
watching TV before Bulma came over and didn't  
feel like turning it off, it was still on. *And now for a special news report.* Everyone turned  
their heads to the rather small set that sat  
on a redwood coffee table. *It seems that the notorious group called the IGOTC has now been  
praying on unsuspecting males with a slut-like  
woman in a red dress. Authorities still have no idea what their name means, and they have been  
known to inflict torture on anyone they   
see fit. Furthermore, the IGOTC is far, far worse than any gang, including Hell's Angels and the  
Mafia.* "I feel sorry for that poor guy...but  
why did they have to take my dress??" "Simmer down, ChiChi. We still have to figure out who  
this guy is." stated Bulma calmly. "I would   
rather not know." "Why not, Piccolo?" "HE FLIRTED WITH ME! IF I FOUND OUT I KNEW  
HIM I'D DIE! LIFE IS SO CRUEL TO US GREEN MEN  
FROM THAT FARAWAY PLANET CALLED NAMEK!!" Gohan whispered to the others while  
Piccolo continued ranting and raving. "Don't   
worry, he's like this all the time. So anyways, Bulma, why are you here?" ChiChi lept up. "Oh  
yeah! We still need to figure out the f-" Bulma  
clasped her hand over ChiChi's mouth, so all you could here was a "MMMMMmmmph!" from  
the raven-haired woman. "What ChiChi's trying  
to say is that we still need to figure out the freakin' idiot who's dressing up as a guy is. Now, lets  
go!" "Where?" asked a rather bewildered  
Tien. "To go find this guy and make him apologize to EVERYONE he flirted with. And to make  
fun of him, of course." "Hey, I just thought of  
something!" The gang turned to look at Gohan. "I know what IGOTC stands for!" "Son, do we  
really have time for this?" "Yeah dad, we do!  
Since Puar was the one who took the dress, and there's a group out there getting a guy to dress as  
a woman slut and flirt with otherwise dateless  
men for the rest of their lives-" "HEY!" "Sorry you three, but it's true. Anyways, like I was  
saying, Puar must be a member of the IGOTC, so I've  
concluded that IGOTC must stand for Idiotic Grungy Overweight Transexual Cats. But then  
again...Puar's not overweight...forget about it. I  
have no idea what it stands for, but we should probably look for a group of cats." "Well then,  
what are we waiting for? I DON'T WANT ANY  
MAN WEARING MY MATERNITY DRESS!" "That thing's a maternity dress? Where you at  
the clubs stripping to pay for meals or what?" "Shut  
up you stupid pig!" ChiChi then proceeded to knock Oolong unconscious with her frying pan.  
"Now, let's go get my dress back!" said ChiChi  
with flames seeming to swirl in her eyes. "Right!" said everyone else, afraid for their lives and  
not wanting to be hit over the head with a   
frying pan. 


	11. Exposure

'Yolanda' sat in a tiny crevasse in a mountainside, crying like a little girl. "It's not fair...  
all I did was hit Puar by accident with a wine  
cork and now...look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" The IGOTC caught up to the distressed she-  
male. "So, Puar, do you think that the individual  
here has suffered enough torture due to his lack of respect for your godliness as a cat." "Well...."  
Puar took a second glance at the utterly  
pathetic Yamucha, who was blowing his nose in Garfield's tail, who didn't notice because he was  
eating a large ice cream cone. "I think so, boss.  
He's learnt his lesson, haven't you, Yamucha?" "Yes...I have. I'll never treat you like that again  
Puar...I swear by everything...just let me get   
changed!" Yamucha started up again with the crying. "All right all right...go get changed. Here's  
you're gi, and you'll have to give back the dress.  
It's ChiChi's." "ChiChi's?" whispered a very frightened Yamucha. "Oh shit, she'll kill me...I'll  
have to go into hiding as a bum on the street, or  
something else!" "Hurry up and get changed before I change my mind!" "Yes, Puar!" Yamucha  
hurriedly took his gi from Veo's outstretched  
hand and went to go change behind a rock. He pulled off his wig only to find Bulma, Piccolo,  
ChiChi, Oolong, Gohan, Goku, Master Roshi,  
Chaotzu and Krillin standing there in complete horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I  
AM SCARRED FOR LIFE! WHY ME, WHY ME?  
CAN'T FATE PICK ON ANOTHER PIG?" Oolong proceeded to curse very evil, violent,  
naughty words to the sky. "He's almost as bad as you are Piccolo.  
Piccolo?" Gohan turned around to find his sensei frozen in horror. He touched his shoulder and  
Piccolo fell to the ground, frozen in the same  
position. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DRESS?" screamed a very pissed off ChiChi.  
"I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING! JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE  
HERE! I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS...THINK OF HOW SCARRED I WAS!" Yamucha sat  
down and started to cry. Bulma went over to him. "All right.   
Start explaining." she said in a loud voice, then whispered so only Yamucha could here. "You  
say anything about what happened between me   
and Vegeta, and I'll get you castrated. Understood? Good." Yamucha shook in fear as the IGOTC  
laughed and made their entrance. "So, what does  
that acronym mean anyways, Puar?" "It stands for International Group Of Talking Cats." "Oh."  
"What did you think it was?" Gohan swallowed,  
then said "I didn't give it much thought." "Anyways, how many of you would like to see the tape  
of 'Yolanda' here?" ChiChi and Bulma immediately  
screamed and demanded the IGOTC play it. "Can I at least get changed first?" asked a pale  
Yamucha, who knew he was dead, and didn't want  
to die in a red, sparkly dress with makeup all over his face and high heels that he couldn't walk on.  
  
Meanwhile, back at Capsule Corp, Vegeta felt the ki of most of the Z gang and decided to speed  
over to where the group had assembled. "Hey Vegeta!  
You're just in time to see a humiliation video of Yamucha!" "For once, Kakorotto, you're excited  
about something good for a change. What the hell  
happened to the Namek?" "Watch the tape and you'll see." said Puar with an evil grin on her  
face. The group first saw Yamucha flirting with Piccolo,  
and it dawned on Vegeta who the slut was that came to his house. He said nothing and laughed  
along with them. The next segment of the  
video showed 'Yolanda' and the perverts at the Kame  
House. Everyone was laughing at Yamucha and the two perverts were promising to Kami that  
they would never, ever, ever flirt with girls that came   
within 500 metres ever, ever again. Vegeta was laughing his head off until he saw a close-up of  
Capsule Corp. He then tried to sneak away, but   
Garfield blocked his way, which was easy to do, since Garfield was so fat and Vegeta wasn't.  
"The humiliation of your kind is a terrible thing...that's  
why enjoy bugging Jon so much. Sit and watch the video...or I'll set Odie on you." Vegeta  
knowing all too well who Odie was, gave up and sat back down.  
The video blared things that made people laugh so hard they cried. *Here, let me get some  
pepper. EEEEEEEEEKKKk!* "Hahahahahaha...Vegeta....you're  
not serious about that cannibal thing, are you?" whispered a rather scared Bulma. "You've done  
well so far, but any less.." "Um...er...ah..you're  
really scaring me now...stop it!" "Hey Garfield would you mind handing me a bottle of that salad  
dressing? I'm going to need it." "EEEEEEEEEEEEE  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Bulma shrieked at the top of her lungs while  
Vegeta laughed so hard he started to cough. "Er-HEM. What is everyone staring at me for?" All of a sudden,  
Krillin cracked up. "HAhahahaha...did you actually think  
that girl was good enough to sleep with? You're-" "I'm what?" asked Vegeta as he held Krillin by  
the collar and glared at him. "Y-y-you really made  
her uh, him look like a fool and it's really too b-b-bad th-that the IGOTC had to tape that."  
Satisfied with his answer, Vegeta dropped Krillin down on  
the ground with a thud. "Ow.." "So anyways, why did you guys do all this stuff to Yamucha?"  
Bubba Tom decided to answer Chaotzu's question.   
"Well, you see, Yamucha was disrespecting Puar and not treating her like the goddess she is,  
since all cats are of divine nature. Furthermore, he  
knocked her unconscious with a wine cork. It was moving at top speed, she said. We found her  
conked out inside the cheap, rented home Yamucha  
owns. From there, we took Yamucha captive and then Puar came up with her idea for revenge."  
"I see. But why was Yamucha popping off a cork bottle?"  
"Well, young man," said Bubba Tom, addressing Gohan at the time. "He apparently was looking  
for revenge on a certain individual, so he figured  
he'd get this person drunk. "Oh I get it now!" said ChiChi. "Bulma dunped Yamucha, brought a  
guy over, they drank some wine, Yamucha slipped  
something in the guy's drink, Bulma slipped something in the guy's as well, so now she's-" "Yes  
that's pretty much it, so you can shut up now,  
ChiChi." snapped an angry Bulma. "All right, so...who's the guy you're pregnant with?" "You're  
pregnant?" yelled everyone else in the crowd except  
for Vegeta who already knew. "Yes..." "So who is it?" asked Goku, who knew full well who it  
was. "Ooooh...." Heads jerked to see Piccolo become  
unfrozen from the fear that paralyzed him. "What the hell's going on...oh shit...Yamucha...you  
were forced right? PLEASE SAY YOU WERE FORCED TO  
DO THIS!" screamed the namek. Vegeta opened his eyes in shock, not used to seeing Piccolo  
like that, whereas everyone else was. "YES I WAS FORCED!  
I WOULD NEVER, EVER HAVE ANY FEELINGS LIKE THAT FOR Y0U! YOU'RE NOT  
WORTH IT!" "GOOD!" The two frazzled beings stood very far away  
from each other. 


	12. The Wonders of the Video Camera

"Oh, I almost forgot! There's another section of the tape!" said Puar enthusiastically. She pressed  
play and the entire Z senshi saw Vegeta bawling his  
eyes out over the fact that he had spilled pepper on his precious pizza pops. "GIVE ME THAT  
TAPE!" screamed Vegeta as he turned SSJ. "Yesssir!"  
said a scared Puar. She handed Vegeta the tape, which Vegeta promptly crushed in his hands  
into a small ball. "Here. You can have it now." said the  
arrogant saiyan with a smirk. He tossed the crumpled piece of whatever videotapes are made of  
and hit the little black cat square on the head.   
Everyone gasped in horror, but the cat just meowed and blinked like it usually did. "That's my  
dad's cat. It can't be destroyed. Believe me, ChiChi tried to kill   
it. It didn't work." "YOU TRIED TO KILL THE ALMIGHTY BLACK CAT? YOU SHALL BE  
OUR NEXT VICTIM" "OH NO. YOU GUYS ALREADY MADE A MAN  
WEAR MY MATERNITY CLOTHES...YOU OWE ME!! AND IF ANY OF YOU COME  
NEAR ANY ONE OF US AGAIN...except for Vegeta, since he's a royal  
ass and that tape was damn hilarious...I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY FRYING PAN!" ChiChi  
pulls out her frying pan and presses a secret button no  
one knew about until now, which made spikes tipped with poison appear all over the pan. "DO I  
MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, KITTYCAT SQUAD?" "Yes m'am."  
said the entire IGOTC, shaking in their fur, except for Garfield, who had left to go insult Jon,  
abuse Odie, watch TV, kill spiders, sleep and eat back in   
his comic book. "Now that that's settled, Bulma...why don't you tell us who the father is....OR  
ELSE." ChiChi held up the frying pan with spikes  
threateningly over Bulma's head. "AAAAaaaaah! Okay, Okay!" "The father is....would you guys all stop crowding around  
me??" Everyone moved back a step. "Thank you. Vegeta is the father." "Oh, so that's what that  
bottle of Naomi's was for. That's probably the only thing  
that would take him out too." "How do you know this stuff, Krillin?" inquired Gohan. "I work at  
a liquor store as a part-time job to get some cash. I  
have to do something." "Can I get a discount if I come?" asked Tien. "Sorry, it comes out of my  
paycheck. Can't do that." "Oh well. C'mon Chaotzu,  
let's get back to our training." "Right Tien." Everyone else left as well, Roshi and Oolong having  
some really sick ideas about what that 'training' might  
be.  
  
Epilogue: Bulma and Vegeta had their first child, whom they called Trunks, and who's first word  
was "Kuso!" Vegeta had to sleep on the floor for a week for  
that. Krillin moved up in his position and became manager of that store, so now Tien can get his  
discounts. Mirari Trunks came from the future to help  
destroy the androids, but it turned out Dr. Gero had died of a heart attack after seeing a large  
group of cats holding a giant laser and walking towards   
Funimation Studios. Therefore the androids were not built. The IGOTC still had the original  
recording of the whole incident, so they made another tape  
and showed it to Mirari Trunks, who laughed his head off while Vegeta sat sulking. No one even  
noticed Vegeta going SSJ, not even himself, so when he  
finally did have yellow hair again, his ego became so large everyone was getting headaches from  
the 'I am the almighty powerful prince of saiyans' schpeil  
he always went through. Of course, when Cell came from the future, Vegeta demolished him  
while Goku was being healed of his heart disease, which made  
him even more arrogant and annoying. Finally, Gohan got so annoyed he went SSJ2 and beat the  
shit out of him. Vegeta wouldn't talk to anyone for a month.  
The IGOTC succeeded in blowing up Funimation with their giant laser, and in celebration, they  
went partying and Puar ended up sleeping with Bubba  
Tom. Their baby was a blue and orange kitten with an attitude problem. Piccolo never got over  
the horrible ordeal, and now goes to counselling once a week  
to cry and sort through his problems. The counsellor is Gohan, because the others were too  
scared after hearing Piccolo talk. Of course, Piccolo doesn't know  
this. ChiChi went into a cooking contest, then was disqualified when she accidentally pressed  
the button, causing spikes to puncture through the   
element she was cooking on. She got so mad she killed the judge with it and walked out. No one  
dared to follow her.   
  
Whew! It's done! That's it that's all! And there you have the real reason Trunks was born. Hehe.  
This chapter was a little longer because I   
wanted to finish this up. Stay cool, and let me know what you thought! Reviews are great! Be  
sure to check out my other stuff and watch for my next fic. 


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